Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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