two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
whose parrot is this?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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