did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize