i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
