right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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