dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
