dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This baby is an asshole
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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