I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
