We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
