I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
