I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
