Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
