Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
