Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
