i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
