i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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