I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
