Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
