worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize