Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize