you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
