my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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