what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
