dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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