Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
