so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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