I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
