were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
