I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
