You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
