his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
