Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
