they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry about my life...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
