Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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