Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
