Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
