girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
