Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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