i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
