it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
