Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
now i know why i became what i already was.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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