every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
