No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
