their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
