It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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