i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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