I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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