I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
