Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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