You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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