Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize