party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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