I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
