I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
