whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
