i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
