I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
