You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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