if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
