OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
