and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
