So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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